By Paul Tomkins
The warning signs were there early. Growing up in an alcoholic household, I started drinking at 14. It seemed to give me confidence I didn’t naturally have – socialising without it was impossible. But it was also escapism, and I’d drink to blackout throughout my teens. Alcohol became my master.
A turning point came on a lads holiday when I panicked if they didn’t drink in the morning. I was already comfortable using alcohol to get through the day. Throughout my twenties, it destroyed relationships, home life, and jobs. Eventually, it took everything.
My whole life became about escaping myself – never being present with reality for a single moment. After numerous hospital admissions and arrests, I hit rock bottom.
I remember the moment I knew I had to change. One arrest too many, no recollection of what had happened. When I woke in the cell, a sign above my head read: “Are you sick and tired of being sick and tired yet?” In that moment, I realised I was. I was sick of being myself. The pain of staying the same was harder than facing the reality that I needed to change.
I’d witnessed addiction destroy my dad. I knew I had to start the hardest battle of my life to stop it destroying me.
I called my local mental health service and asked for help. It wasn’t easy, but I wanted change more than my old life. I broke each day into manageable pieces – promised myself I’d get to midday, then bedtime. I took each day as it came, and set myself measurable goals: get to the gym, get a job, rebuild my life piece by piece. No matter how bad it was, I always made it to the gym. Routine was everything – making a conscious choice to dedicate time to changing rather than reverting to what my head wanted.
My biggest achievement was qualifying as a PT after leaving school at 14 with no qualifications. Fitness saved my life. The gym has always been my safe place. I’ve built a successful career as a gym owner and recently founded the Urban Race by Athena – an event to make hybrid fitness more accessible to a diverse community. I’m also proud to be a Movember Ambassador.
My battle with drink nearly killed me. Now it’s time to give something back.
- Find out more about Paul’s work on Survive The 8, visit www.by-athena.com
