By Nicky Wake
When my husband Andy died in 2020, I genuinely thought the joyful part of my life was ok. By that point, we’d already spent three years living through the aftermath of the catastrophic heart attack and brain injury he suffered in 2017. One of my most haunting memories was performing CPR while our son Finn watched and paramedics shouted instructions down the phone. Although Andy survived, the brain injury was severe and he never truly came back to us in the way we prayed he would.
For years, I lived in this strange space between grief and hope while raising Finn, running a business and visiting the man I still loved in a neurological care facility where he no longer recognised me or our son. Then when Andy died during lockdown, the loneliness that followed felt enormous. It wasn’t only heartbreak, it was silence, exhaustion and suddenly having to carry an entire life on your own while still trying to be a good mum.
What surprised me most thought was how guilty I felt when I eventually started missing connection itself, and not just Andy specifically, but conversation, affection, laughter, intimacy and companionship. Society is often far more comfortable with widows remaining permanently heartbroken than it is with us admitting we might still want happiness one day.
For a long time, I convinced myself that wanting joy again somehow dishonoured the love that Andy and I shared, but eventually I realised that love after loss is not replacing the person you lost, it’s allowing yourself permission to keep living. That understanding completely changed the direction of my life and eventually led me to create Chapter2Dating, the UK’s first dating app for widows and widowers, alongside The Widowed Collective, which supports people navigating the reality of grief and rebuilding life after loss of a partner. I wanted widowed people to have somewhere emotionally safe to meet others who truly understood grief, guilt and the complexity of opening your heart again after bereavement.
What has been most incredible since launching Chapter2Dating is seeing people rediscover themselves after believing life had nothing left to offer them. I have watched widowed people fall in love again, travel together, move in together and laugh in ways they never thought they would again. I’ve seen people who once felt broken realise they were still deserving of connection, intimacy and happiness.
I also feel incredibly lucky to have found love again myself with Dan, who is also widowed, and meeting him has just proved to me that finding love again doesn’t erase the love you had before. I still love Andy and always will, but widowhood has taught me that grief and hope can exist side by side, and that even after the worst heartbreak imaginable, life can still surprise you with happiness again.
Nicky Wake is the founder of Chapter2Dating and The Widowed Collective, organisations created to support widowed people in finding connection, community and support after the loss. Visit www.Chapter2Dating.app and www.TheWidowedCollective.com for more information.
